This year brought monumental changes in my life, but also in the lives of most people on earth. Isn’t that amazing and at the same time unifying? With all the sad talk about walls, divisions, inequalities and borders, here instead everyone encountered something that, similarly to death, ended up being a great leveller. Suffering knocks on every door, bringing sadness but also some precious gifts, which we tend to open, and appreciate, only later on.
On July the 4th, a very malignant brain cancer took my husband away. It all happened in the midst of covid escalation. It’s a story I haven’t found the will to write yet, but it will surely come. At the end of February we were together in Bosnia: Michael was cheering up refugee children with his puppet show “Tony & Friends”, while I was painting colourful murales on the grey walls of refugee camps and hospitals. We were working with a good and tight team of volunteers, certainly aware that we were possibly facing our last trip to Bosnia for awhile. In fact, lockdown came about just the day after everyone returned home. As well as the diagnosis of brain cancer.
So, the Covid era started, which meant: uncertainty, separation, confinement, fear, pain, grief, impossibility to plan, unanswered questions, frustration, financial insecurity and losses. My 2 sons who live in Canada, and my daughter who lives in the States couldn’t travel to Italy to visit their dying father, nor to attend the funeral. That is one big, irreplaceable loss, but I’m sure they were not the only ones to experience something of the sort.
On the other hand, many would agree with me that Covid also taught us some priceless lessons: to appreciate loved ones and friends, the freedom to move, a phone call or a letter in the mail box; to enjoy a purer nature, quieter surroundings and the beauty of the small things which in the past we often took for granted or didn’t even notice, trampled as they were by the sheer weight and volume of the “bigger and more important stuff”. Covid forced us to take a good look at our lives and priorities.
This year is coming to an end, and I heard comments such as: “No way I’m counting this year, I didn’t even live it”, “2020: a year to erase from our memory”.
In spite of hardships and many tears, which are flowing down my keyboard even now as I type, I can’t honestly say that I didn’t live this year. On the contrary, it has been a year packed full of strong emotions, of deep talks and reflections. I was shown so much love and care by loved ones, friends near and far but also by total strangers, and I finally could understand what so many people experienced before me. There’s been sadness and despair, but also empathy, comfort and resilience. From the bitter ashes of defeat a stronger faith was born in many.
So, can sadness and appreciation coexist? I think so. 2020, you’ve been a great teacher and an unforgettable year.
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“COVID-19 was an intervention that made us aware of everything that was broken before, and of our interdependency that we have of each other. It’s the first level of looking into the mirror.” – Otto Sharmer
“When a disaster befalls us, we have the option to withdraw or to attempt to transform the experience into a teacher for ourselves, our friends, our families and our communities. Our personal disaster may not only be our gift, it may sometimes be another’s gift as well. It is our obligation to discover these gifts and to give them to others. A word, a thought, a touch may turn someone’s life around and give meaning to their existence. And you may never know that you were responsible for that.” – Debbie Friedman
The Love Log 