So, Where’s Home?

Someone sent me a short documentary called “So, Where’s Home?“, dedicated to TCK (third culture kids). My kids have double nationality and were born and raised in several countries so  it couldn’t have been more appropriate. The young people interviewed in the documentary described the challenges they faced while growing up but also what in the long run they considered strengths and values they were able to acquire along the way. They went from adjectives such as “rootless” and “confused” to “multilingual, multicultured and open minded”. They seemed brilliant, well adjusted and mature young people, able to relate to more than one culture and appreciative of changes and challenges. 

I’ve often discussed the topic with my kids, who now have children of their own and, due to their work, are still moving countries. They will have to pass on their experience! Definitely globalisation has largely contributed to people being able to move countries much faster than it used to and TCKs are no longer a weird breed.

At the end of the documentary everyone came to the conclusion that home is not limited to something physical and it’s not necessary one country or a particular city. Home is where your heart is. Home is family. Home is the friends added to your family.

That reminded me of when I moved to this country about 23 years ago. I didn’t know the language and since I had 3 young children  most of my time was spent taking care of them. 

After school I would take them for long walks in the neighbourhood and we’d always meet people and make new friends. I made a point to teach them to stop by beggars and leave a little donation, share a few words and a smile. Eventually they learned the local language fluently as well as the culture. Even though a bit puzzled when asked the classic question: “Where are you from?“, they learned to make the best out of this apparent handicap and thrived on being a bit “unique” and different.

For quite a few years this was home. 

Now they all moved away and built lives of their own in several countries. I presume home for them has become something else, and that they are actually making their new place a home, because that’s what it’s all about and ultimately the responsibility of every human being: to build loving homes wherever we are.

There was one last conclusion in the documentary: a young boy said his goal was to graduate from TCK to TCA, from Third Culture Kid to Third Culture Adult. There’s always room for growth!.

Early days in Croatia: my husband and older kids bringing cheer in a refugee camp and making it a ‘home‘ for many displaced families.

From the city of Romeo and Juliet

 

I was born in the city of Romeo and Juliet, sometimes called the City of Love. Everyday on my way to school I used to walk past the famous balcony where Juliet apparently was calling to her lover Romeo and once he even climbed up to her holding on to one of her long braids. Recently I passed by again and was trying to peek in…well, trying is the right word, since the thick crowd of tourists made it almost impossible for me to get near the famous balcony. I noticed the walls around were covered with signatures  and I even heard that periodically they need to get repainted as to allow more tourists and especially couples to write their names. The street hosts a number of shops that sell all kinds of gadgets dedicated to Love, and what is considered here the greatest Love story.  

I don’t know if Shakespeare would have thought his story, which does have some vague historical roots, would have become so famous.

One thing for sure, these days  it’s becoming more and more renowned; in fact, when asked where I’m come from, my answer usually brings on smiles and exclamations of joy: “Oh, you are from Verona, the city of Romeo and Juliet, the city of Love!“

I’m not too sure if the young couple in question could be exalted to the best sample of real love, but for sure they were willing to go against family restrictions and odds and die for that kind of love.

As a young teenager I must confess I  too felt  very attracted to the Romeo and Juliet’s story and for a number of years I was secretly longing for my Romeo to come by and fulfil all my heart’s desires, but life taught me many lessons along the way.

Recently reflecting upon my 38 years of marriage and all its ups and downs, I came to ponder on a great quote:

“There’s a big difference between falling in love with someone and loving someone.

Falling in love simply happens.

But in order to really love someone you need to sweat, to suffer, to laugh, to stay awake, to give of yourself.

Real love doesn’t just happen.

Real love it’s something you make happen. “

(F. Roversi)

 As much as we all cherish these great, romantic stories, I learned that real love is something quite different.

It stands the test of time, it’s about giving and not getting, it’s foremost a commitment and besides, to end with one more contribution by William Shakespeare ( from A Midsummer Night’s Dream): “The course of true love never did run smooth.”  

Ready for the challenge?