I.V. Drip for the soul

True stories and biographies always fascinated me. Whenever I feel discouraged or on a low ebb, I just need to take a peak in my stacked away list of great stories about people who held on in spite of seemingly unsurmountable circumstances and…it’s done. It’s like taking an I.V. drip for the soul. Many of them are believers and missionaries but I highly esteem all kinds of fighters and world changers, especially the ones who were motivated by love.

Even though I’ve never been one, the category of teachers is high on my list, most probably because it extols virtues such as love, faith and endurance. I recently watched again an older movie about Marva Collins, an American educator who recently passed away.  She was just an ordinary teacher, and a mother of 3, but started an experimental school in a poor neighbourhood of Chicago, in the top floor of her house. Needless to say, she faced all kinds of obstacles, but the love she felt for these kids was stronger than anything. Eventually her efforts were rewarded and she went on to be a sample to many. I was so impressed by the faith she had in some of these kids, who didn’t seem bright at all but thanks to her enduring love went on to amazingly succeed in love.

Like I said, I’m not a teacher but have been working with youth for over 20 years. Along with my family, I moved to Croatia in 1996 to help with the aftermath of the bloody civil war former Yugoslavia was incurring. In the beginning I was fully involved in the actual recipients of our humanitarian efforts, mainly refugees or displaced people of all ages.

True to one of my favourite quotes, that “the best way to be happy is to make others happy”, I started welcoming a number of young people who wanted to give more meaning to their lives and help with some volunteering, and I truly saw that principle come to life endless times watching that sparkle in their eyes whenever they came back from a trip or a visit to some poor family and they made a difference in someone’s life.

Andrea was one of them. He was a troubled 19 year old who had experimented with drugs, satanism and was heading for a dark future, often sleeping on park benches. Something in the way he returned that first hug I gave him, gave me hope and assurance that a great heart was beating underneath that rough appearance.

Surely enough, as soon as Andrea started visiting refugees and lonely people, his whole life changed! He had been a rebel without a cause but now he had found purpose and meaning. Many commented how they saw an angel in him and to this day he’s actively involved in making this world a better place.

Andrea playing with children in refugee camp in Karlovac, Croatia

Reflections and Maturation of Someone who wanted to change the World.

I’ve been involved in full time volunteer work for decades. You’d think that by now I know all about the ins and outs of helping others and practise it daily. Yes, by now it has become like second nature. It’s my job, my life, what gets me up in the morning, what I organise my days around, what I try to teach others. I’m also on guard against hypocrisy creeping in, and against getting numb and going about business as usual, so at one point I realised that, besides all the activities I’m officially involved in and help organise, which also get some media coverage and recognition, I needed to cultivate some “secret and personal” giving, something I do in quiet and unseen ways. Nobody knows about that part and it feels right.

So, that was one important first step and realisation.

 I definitely made my share of mistakes, learned plenty of lessons and through a process I will soon explain I came to see a few aspects of my work in a very different light. 

  I still believe in statements like this one:

 “It is sad to see that, in our highly competitive and greedy world, we have lost touch with the joy of giving. We often live as if our happiness depended on having. But I don’t know anyone who is really happy because of what he or she has. True joy, happiness and inner peace come from the giving of ourselves to others. A happy life is a life for others.”—Henri J. M. Nouwen

I certainly believe that, and I’ve taught, not just theoretically but also practically, hundreds of young people (and older ones also) the joy of giving, the duty of giving, the advantages of giving.

I should be satisfied and fulfilled. Yes and no.

Well, not exactly.

A while ago, during the lesson sharing session at the end of one of the summer camps I help organise, a very shy and introverted young man stood up and shared that meeting V. changed his life. He talked about her as a heroin, a role model, and was even contemplating going to spend a few days at her farm, to learn more from her. 

V. is a very poor woman who has lived with her large family in refugee camps for years. Her husband got into drinking, her place was always a mess, and sometimes we didn’t really feel like bringing people to visit her. But this young man must have seen something different in her. She was definitely a survivor and that’s not a small thing. He must have felt she owned something he was missing in his life. Needless to say, since then, I started looking at V. in a considerable different way.

A few similar comments had come up here and there, and a new thought was breaking through. Giving yes, but what about receiving?

Did we emphasise enough the principle that we were not just going to “help the poor”, but also to learn from them? How did they make it, what kind of resilience helped them survive the atrocities and hardships they experienced?

Maybe I was meant to start learning a few different aspects of the matter.

And to furtherly reflect on the point, a friend sent me this quote: “If you have come here to help me you are wasting your time, but if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together. – Lilla Watson.  (Indigenous Australian visual artist and activist )

Quite a bold and challenging statement! For sure a reminder that any effective work is better carried out if done with humility. No superiority of the kind “we fortunate, gifted, superior people are coming to help you”. 

In the long run, we are really all in the same boat and would be smarter to just face it.

I will close now with a story I read:

“One day a very wealthy father took his son on a trip to the country for the sole purpose of showing his son how it was to be poor. They spent a few days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. After their return from the trip, the father asked his son how he liked the trip. ‘It was great, Dad,’ the son replied. ‘Did you see how poor people can be?’ the father asked. ‘Oh yeah,’ said the son.  “So what did you learn from the trip?’ asked the father. The son answered, ‘I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.’ The boy’s father was speechless. Then his son added, ‘It showed me just how poor we really are.“

In the picture: with friends and volunteers in Sunja, a small town in Croatia